Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
MindVomit
Posted on: October 20, 2006
He’s been here.
You heard it whispered,
By your mother, and hers and hers.
He’s been here.
You whispered these words yourself today.
You realized the magnitude of that sentence.
You feel the loss of all womankind
You see the imagery of their pain,
Flashed before your eyes
Like an oil panting
Of the deepest massacre
Still wet, like real stains of blood
Grosteque figurines
And death, death hovering at every door
At every corner
At every crook and corner
Of your deepest fear
There. They wedged themselves
Comfortably
Nestling in your flesh
Nurtured by your blood.
They fester
And you dissapear
All the you that you ever held in regard
Disappears
Replaced by a husk with a mind
That was once yours
And sometimes when you find your way back
You wonder.
Why.
What.
When you find your way back
Only to be repelled by the husk
Of a smiling woman
Who looked like you
Who laughed like you
Without your soul,
Cos you sold it away,
When you nurtured
The devil in your bosom.
We
Posted on: May 27, 2006
Are we
Two elderly people
Who seek comfort
In each other
Just to seek
The touch of your hand
Or company for coffee
And a game of hearts?
Are we
The best of friends
Who shares the same delights
Buddies in heart and mind?
Just to have
A kindred spirit to hold
Or simply to rant
About the lives we lead
Yet
In this dead of the night
I stare, listlessly
As sleep wont come
And rest escapes
Just the light
Cold embrace of the monitor
Wishing the scent of you
Next to me.
its monday again
Posted on: May 21, 2006
“welcome the rush of madness again
i almost missed it
almost craved for it,
like the craves of an expectant mother
for sourplums
knowing, even before she tastes it
that the sourness will cause her to tear and cry again.
before she craves for another one.
welcome to the rush of madness again
Of a monday.”
– Norain Khan
This cant go on.
Posted on: May 8, 2006
YOU ARE HURTING ME.
i cant let this happen to me again.
im outta here.
—-
Testimony
Posted on: April 20, 2006
She delights in the
Pinking of the skin
The blush that runs
Up on your face
As you lay.
Spent.
She delights in the
Warmth of your breath
And the smell of your scent
Running down your neck
As you lay
Spent
She delights in the
Sound of your heartbeat
The scent of your muskiness
Around her senses
As you lay
Spent.
She delights in the
Memories of you
The smirks and the smiles
Gestures of kindness
As she lay
Spent.
And no.
This is not a love poem.
This is a testimony
Of every woman
In love.
The Last Maid Standing.
Posted on: April 18, 2006
IT has dawned upon me that i am the last maid standing in my circle of friends.
Everyone in primary school and secondary school is gettinng married, enggaged or what have yous this year and the next.
heck, melati is already down with one baby.
In keeping the atmosphere light, im really happy for all of you.
In a more serious tone, STOP asking me when is it my turn.
I will not be PEER PRESSURED into marriage.
yeah well tell me who doesnt want to get married wear gorgeous clothes and be a king and queen for one day?
but tell me, if i am not prepared, what happens after that one day?
is there a roof over my head or do i have to live on the good graces of my parents?
if all we have a meagre saving and our monthly pay, how are we gonna start on anything?
and then comes the payment of the wedding. now that the fancy wedding is over, how the heck am i gonna pay it all back?
not the mention the whole husband and wife aspect. AM I REALLY READY TO HAVE A MAN AS MY LORD AND MASTER and comply to his wishes only?
do we have a stable financial plan that would not put us to borrowing money in case shit happens and shit happens all the time anytime.
and CHILDREN. AM I SERIOUSLY READY TO HAVE CHILDREN. i love kids. but oh man, my own kids?
—————————————–
so yeah.
im really really happy for all of you, but NO please dont pity me. its kinda irritating. especially when im enjoying every minute of my single but attached life.
let me worry about your headaches later in life. i still wanna spend my pay on manicures and massages.
————-
Blogmarathon- Day six.
Posted on: March 20, 2006
Ten Things You Dont Know About Norain Khan.
Here goes nothing. I am lost for topics.
1.When i was really young say four or five, i lived with my maternal grandmother, who allowed me free roaming access of the neighbourhood. Basically i can run about, do anything, just get home by six so that they can wash me up and present me to my parents like i was at home all the time. When i was six i found three kittens in a box.I hid them under the block,secret area.I raised them up and fed them and asked for money from my granny to buy them food and stuff. By the sixth month, they grew big healthy and strong. They survived to be really big creatures and was still around when i was seven. They loved me and is absolutely loyal to me. They only problem is that, they were huge dogs by then. I only figured out i was taking care of puppies when they learned to say woof instead of meow and when they are already huge. It was a sight to see this tiny chubby girl going everywhere with three huge dogs guarding her. Of course, my parents didnt find out about it.Neither did my granny.
2. i was one of the ugliest small kid alive.When i was a fat loser in primary six, i went to school in my teenage mutant ninja turtle bag and red plastic glasses with this shawn michael hairstyle.I was the joke of class. Unfortunately i thought i was cool.
3.In primary four we had this blue notebook for teachers to write and complain to parents to. my blue notebook was very thin cos i ripped all the complains out and i liquid papered everything else. I got hell from my dad that year after meet the parents session.
4.I joined the brownies and got fed up cos all they do is skip around a fake mushroom so i quit. I joined the eco garden instead and they made me rear this five chicks who turned into big huge roosters and the loves of my life. They got killed during the holidays that year. I think that was the first time i experienced the pain of loss.
5. I got into fights. All the time. I enjoyed them. very much. NOthing beats beating the crap of someone who thinks they can bully you.
6.In sec two, my whole bunch of girlfriends and me were like two hours late for school cos we were busy planning the dance choreography for an event in school that night. I staged a huge act at the gate of school whereby my whole stomach is causing so much turmoil and i cant stand and I was vomitting all over the place, and my girlfriends couldnt possibly go to school and leave me there, so all of them were late. I was ushered into the home economics room and treated like a royalty the rest of the day.
7.My father sends me down to school every day in secondary school. He will ride his huge bike all the way to the PARADE SQUARE and drop me there. My father also came down to school to beat the crap out of the principal cos he didnt do anything when i complained to him that this really huge chinese guy in school called me a black dog and got all the other bully boys to do the same. Then my father went to find the chinese guy and threatened the crap out of him. Next day that boy and me become friends sia! My dad rocks.
8.In poly year one, there was a gathering for the malay/muslim students in Nyp school of IT. it was a three day two night stay in sentosa. The year three in charge asked us who can go. Innocently, i asked for a consent form. It seemed that a few other girls in the group were wondering about the consent forms. The guy looked at us funny and said, “so if have consent forms, then you all can go ah?” i said “duh!” He came back a while later with consent forms.My daddy signed it and the next day i wanted to pass it back to him. He told me to keep it, and if i ever needed consent forms to get to stay out at night, i can find it outside a certain block in the school. they have it in abundance there. Thats when poly life really became FUN.
9. I have always been afraid of the dark. Go figure.
10.Tampinese secondary was the best time i ever had teaching a particular school. The students of graduation 2004 changed my life completely. i Love them to bits.
—
Blogmarathon-Day Four
Posted on: March 16, 2006
WARNING= EXTREMELY LONG POST
Im actually blogging from my home PC and its frustrating me to no end. WHAT on earth possessed me to leave my beloved G4 in school…
Well anyways, sleeping the whole afternoon through has cleared my head and somewhat unfortunately is the reason why im so wide eyed and bubbly at one am in the morning.
Today I shall blog about the one most important thing in my life. You dont see me talking about him in any of my blogs, except for an occasional quote here and there. But after how much he has stuck for me, all this while i think he deserves a blog post of his own.
Im talking about my best friend of eight years, Adrian Boon.
He also happens to be my boyfriend.
The first time I heard of an Adrian Boon was in poly year one. I was in a semester one, I think, in NYP. (yes im NYP Norain and damn proud of it.)I was just introduced to the wonderful world of emails and intranets and all that geekdom crap. We have this email server that enabled anyone in the school of IT to send mails to everyone else in the school of IT.
Secretly I have always dreamed of a mystery guy sending an email to me telling me he saw me around the school and he thinks im amazing and he wants to marry me in the near future. How sizzling romantic.
What i got, instead, one morning, was a mass mailed sent to EVERYONE in the school from a certain “Adrian Boon”.
Intrigued, i clicked on it. But the email appalled me.
“Hi. do you like hairy men? want to have a good time? call me. 1900 I AM HAIRY.”
I was COMPLETELY disgusted. Destroyed were my dreams of a romantic notion.I emailed back to the hairy hunk telling him to go screw a spider and get a life. Then i deleted the mail and never thought of it again.
(I only found out months later that the mail was sent out by our Darling indian cheif Ganesh who was stealing time on Adrian’s account.)
But the hairy hunk became stuffs of legends. People still remember it til now.
Many months after that, during Hari Raya, my new bunch of friends came over to celebrate. However, greeting them at the door i noticed this rather grumpy looking guy whom i didnt recognize at all. He simply shrugged and said, “They made me come along.” So i invited him in and left it at that.
I noticed this guy again during all our club meetings, in both clubs that i was in. He sits at the back and he wore all black all the time. He hardly ever say anything and by the third meeting i condemned him as MR I CANNOT SMILE TO SAVE MY LIFE. (Little that i know at that time that he was convinced i was practising black magic with all the gothic make up and clothes i had on all the time.)
The first time i spoke to Adrian Boon, we were in a huge fight. Apparently during a show he fought with the lights manager, and him being sound manager for the production, stomped out of the play DURING THE PRODUCTION. I was the stage manager and i was absolutely pissed off with him for stomping off. Alot of really harsh words passed between us and i was convinced the guy was impossible to work with.
I dont remember how everything changed, but Adrian Boon became one of my closest friends. I remember him rushing me home all the time after our crazy rehearsals, cos he knows whats my dad like with curfews.
He bought me my first lord of the rings trilogy book in year one, long before it was a big deal. He introduced me to the wonderful word of fantasy writing, where dragons comes to life and the knighthood is an honor. He introduced me to the magic of reading as an escape.
I was one of those girls in poly who never had any money, so i tend to skip gatherings. And everytime he would insist that i go and not to worry about it, and everytime he would either pay for me or pass me cash below the tables. He never ever touched me in all those years of friendship. I was a wild wild child but i couldnt bring myself to hug him hello or goodbye. It would be like to defile somethng so sacred.
Adrian Boon is a loyal friend and he has a grumpy nature, but somehow i was never frightened of him. When anyone needed him to do any favours, they would come to me to help them ask him, and i always wondered why. I guess they didnt see that he would do anything for his friends.
He bought me my first phone in year two, and then he hid the bills from me for six months. geez.
He caught me kissing a dude in the school canteen at night after my production. He heard about all the guys in my life and how they broke my heart and he kept on telling me im worth more then those guys.
It was those long rides home that i loved the most. We would debate on topics, anything in particular, and we end up transgressing and laughing, or shoutng at each other. By the third year in poly often comes a time when i look at the man in the driver’s seat and wished he had some feelings for me. If i wanted a guy for keeps, it has to be someone who i can talk to like this. But im muslim and he is chinese and the probability was impossible so i shot the idea down, once too many times.
I got attached and disappeared for a while. I told myself to move on with life and I did. He never gave up contacting me. He stuck through, was there when i needed an ear.
He left for Australia after that, and my world went to hell. I didnt realise how much i needed him around.
I was almost married to a man i barely knew, and when we spoke, me and my ex, i feel very often that we were on different channels.
It was frustrating. Towards the end of my relationship, things got so bad, that i broke down, but it wasnt too late for me to tell my dad that i couldnt marry the man i was dating.
Adrian and me still chat every night on msn then. but i couldnt really tell him that my life was falling apart.
He came back home for a holiday, and we met. But i knew for sure then what i was feeling. I was probably in love with him all that while, all those years.
I never counted on him loving me back, and being away for a year sealed that up for us.
Its crazy how life goes around in circles. But if someone told me then, on the day that i received that mail about the hairy hunk, that he will be my mr romantic, ill probably kick them!
I dunno where things go from here. I have been hurt once too badly in love, to say that this is my forever. But to have someone who can read your mind and complete your sentences for you, to be able to discuss anything and everything on an intellectual level, To have someone loving you so completely if this is it, then i have no complains whatsoever.
(EXcept i would need an account of world of warcraft of my own then :P)
I love you, HairyHunk. Thank you for all these years.
Eight Years Ago and Now.
—
Teenage Angst.
Posted on: February 4, 2006
Of Beauty.
Girl 1
“So you think you got everything figured out? You think if you walk in here complete with your Prada and your Gucci boots, you actually think its worth a damn? Look at the gob of make up on your face, that’s not beauty, that’s compensation. It all falls apart damn it, don’t you see? You pay two hundred bucks a month on flour for your face and red artificial colorings for your lips does that make you better then me? Well fuck off. I’m not going to let you consider me lower then you just because I dare to walk out of the house with no cake on my face, that I am completely at ease with myself be in I’m in garage clothes or a bikini. You are not superior to me and I hope one day all that cake will eat into your face and dissolve instantly and lets see who is more beautiful then,
Come out in your skin you bitch. Or cant you?
Loser.”
Erm, Girl 2
“I think I’m beautiful. It doesn’t really matter what YOU think. I’m a beautiful boy, and if you want to laugh when I walk pass it really doesn’t matter. You know for sure my skin is smoother then yours and my body exquisite. Maybe the only reason you are so frightened of me is simply because you don’t want to admit you want me. Whats that hey boy? Am I a spark of doubt to your own sexuality? Oh this is so hilarious. Oh. My. God. I saw the way you look at me. I saw the way you lick your lips when I come closer.
What are u gonna do now, rush to the toilet and settle your wank? Oh yeah then you’ll come back out and frown at me like im the most disgusting on earth. But you know what?
You know that I know what I did to you.”
Girl 3
“Nothing really ever goes right anyways. I have learnt not to expect the best in anything and if something good really happens, well it wont. Sometimes I wonder if I try hard enough maybe then nobody in class will notice im there. As it is right now, they don’t really remember my name. What’s new. I’m just here to finish a dreary routine that marks the rest of my life. I wonder if I jumped out of the window, or slit my throat right here in Mr Randy’s class, will anyone even be interested? Ill just be “some kid” who killed herself by tomorrow. Maybe if I stood on the table and started stripping off my clothes, maybe some of them will remember my name. or maybe not. Whatever the case is, I wish HE didn’t have to sit next to me. I wish he didn’t make me feel like trying to be beautiful.
Or that he remember my face.”
is this it?
Posted on: January 12, 2006
hi and welcome to my wordpress site. im dabbling with this thing, and this is where ill put up all my written works. do come again when i finally got everything together. cheers.
TheWordFetish 